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Sleeping With One Eye Open

Sleeping with one eye open.
Watching Shadows around you
Listening to the screams and hoping
that they trickle away like a morning dew.

Wanting to help the person you love.
But knowing you do not have the might
to end the hitting and shove
and overcome the beast, to end the eternal night

Sleeping with one eye open
Knowing and crying, pretending not to care
listening to the screams and hoping
that God will answer my prayer

Unknown Author

He loves me… he loves me not – the thought of leaving may be overwhelming…
Survival is possible, Success is too!
Bill of Rights for Women

What Style Of Relationship Are You In?

Dependency

Dependency

Exhausting, tiring, leaning, throws off balance, paranoia

Smothering

Smothering

No movement, suffocating and an inability to grow mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Pedestal

Pedestal

Power imbalance, unrealistic impressions and a lack of communication, void of feeling

Master/Slave

Master/Slave

Viewed as an object to be “owned”, sole ownership, lack of independence, growth, “I’m boss, I make the decisions, you are here for my benefit”.

Boarding House

Boarding House

Routine, limited communications, no intimacy, relationship on the “way out”.

Martyr

Martyr

Guilt, lack of communication or one-sided

Factors in a Healthy relationship

Factors in an Un-healthy relationship

Trust Lack trust; jealousy may be present
Honesty, spontaneity Abuser only sees what he/she wants to see, deceives the partner and self.
Openness Closed, private, unwilling to share anything about one’s own thoughts, wants and emotions
Understanding No effort is made to become aware of the significant other’s needs, feelings, wants
Flexibility/compromise Inflexible; compromise occurs only when abuser’s demands are met, or during the honeymoon phase
Clear boundaries Unclear, diffuse boundaries, as if both partners are one; victim sacrifices all identity and individuality
Growth Stagnation; intimacy becomes a routine chore.
Acceptance of self, partner and relationship Little or no acceptance of self, partner or relationship
Respect Belief that one partner is godlike while other is worthless; respect demanded by abuser but abuser gives none in return
Intimacy, spirituality No warm feelings; intimacy is like a chore; fear is present; force may be used
Commitment is an active choice Both partners are committed only to one person’s needs; victim feels trapped
Space Victim is expected to spend all free time with abuser; may give up friends, family, school, job; victim feels isolated
Individuality Differences not respected and growth not fostered
Affirmations Given only when victim gives in to demands or during honeymoon phase
Equality/shared power A one-up, on-down situation; force and coercion are used. Physical, psychological and sexual violence may occur.
Risks taken by both parties Victim afraid to express emotions, wants or needs for fear of further abuse.