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Are you in an unhealthy relationship?
Sleeping With One Eye Open
Sleeping with one eye open.
Watching Shadows around you
Listening to the screams and hoping
that they trickle away like a morning dew.
Wanting to help the person you love.
But knowing you do not have the might
to end the hitting and shove
and overcome the beast, to end the eternal night
Sleeping with one eye open
Knowing and crying, pretending not to care
listening to the screams and hoping
that God will answer my prayer
Unknown Author
What Style Of Relationship Are You In?
Dependency
Dependency
Exhausting, tiring, leaning, throws off balance, paranoiaSmothering
Smothering
No movement, suffocating and an inability to grow mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.Pedestal
Pedestal
Power imbalance, unrealistic impressions and a lack of communication, void of feelingMaster/Slave
Master/Slave
Viewed as an object to be “owned”, sole ownership, lack of independence, growth, “I’m boss, I make the decisions, you are here for my benefit”.Boarding House
Boarding House
Routine, limited communications, no intimacy, relationship on the “way out”.Martyr
Martyr
Guilt, lack of communication or one-sided
Factors in a Healthy relationship |
Factors in an Un-healthy relationship |
| Trust | Lack trust; jealousy may be present |
| Honesty, spontaneity | Abuser only sees what he/she wants to see, deceives the partner and self. |
| Openness | Closed, private, unwilling to share anything about one’s own thoughts, wants and emotions |
| Understanding | No effort is made to become aware of the significant other’s needs, feelings, wants |
| Flexibility/compromise | Inflexible; compromise occurs only when abuser’s demands are met, or during the honeymoon phase |
| Clear boundaries | Unclear, diffuse boundaries, as if both partners are one; victim sacrifices all identity and individuality |
| Growth | Stagnation; intimacy becomes a routine chore. |
| Acceptance of self, partner and relationship | Little or no acceptance of self, partner or relationship |
| Respect | Belief that one partner is godlike while other is worthless; respect demanded by abuser but abuser gives none in return |
| Intimacy, spirituality | No warm feelings; intimacy is like a chore; fear is present; force may be used |
| Commitment is an active choice | Both partners are committed only to one person’s needs; victim feels trapped |
| Space | Victim is expected to spend all free time with abuser; may give up friends, family, school, job; victim feels isolated |
| Individuality | Differences not respected and growth not fostered |
| Affirmations | Given only when victim gives in to demands or during honeymoon phase |
| Equality/shared power | A one-up, on-down situation; force and coercion are used. Physical, psychological and sexual violence may occur. |
| Risks taken by both parties | Victim afraid to express emotions, wants or needs for fear of further abuse. |